Its been almost 12 months since we started this blog. I must admit that in the beginning I was very skeptical about this whole “blogging” thing, about putting ourselves out there. But we were motivated by 2 things – wanting to ensure that Bella (and then Thomas’) names and memories continued to live on far beyond their time on earth; and wanting to help those who were also travelling a journey of grief. And we think that we have in some way been able to achieve these 2 things over the last year. But we wanted to thank each…
“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.” ― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
From James writing
I know profound – by James
I had only skirted the depths, I had only tiptoed on my anguish, I had but tempted my sorrow. Losing my sweet Isabella and Thomas, brought me to my knees, no place to hide my pain, no place to bury my tears, only the unabated feeling of utter loss, utter devastation. The knowledge that I will never hug you again, that I will never see your smiling face again, my daily cross to bear. I will not see you grow into beautiful people, I will never walk you down the aisle, hold your children and glow with the…
Our son Thomas
Yesterday our son Thomas Martin Blanckenberg was born at 09h00 prematurely at 26 weeks. This due to complications with both Simone and Thomas. He sadly passed away at 12h30. Simone and I know that Thomas is with his sister Isabella in heaven now embraced in her smiling warmth and love. May his soul rest in eternal peace. We thank god for our shining little boy Murray, who in this time like the last, is our shining beacon of hope and bubbling fountain of joy. “We meet but briefly in life, if we touch each other with stardust – that is…
Lull – 4 month today – from your daddy pops
The ferocious storm which battered me has passed, quiet moments after a sudden and rendering torrent. Crickets and Christmas beetles drumming reminders, constant strobe memories of you my Belsie, my sweet child. Your garden is ready my poopsie, pink little roses and white smiles all around. Water cascading, reminding us of you our gentle gift, Boy boy asks for you more and more, my heart breaks. I go to your smiling face many times a day, holding onto the remnant of your life, so difficult to totally let go. Promise of new life, I can’t comfortably contextualise, it doesn’t…
Choose to live
When you look back one day, don’t remember keeping at bay, life’s sheer joy and bountiful pleasure, because you allowed it, fade at leisure. Remember that you have all the tools, to make your place, make your rules. To take life on with all it’s trials, and come out smiling, holding the jewels. You have it in you to see the light, and grab it daily with all your might. To love with all your heart and soul, and give your loved ones a plenty bowl. Cherish your spouse and keep them near, and be the shoulder…
I see you …. by James
The shock of our sweet daughter’s death has left me. The anxiety filled days, where getting out of bed was near impossible, are becoming easier. But her beautiful face, smiling at me so sweetly when I played hide and seek with her in the mirrors at home, is a constant recurring thought. I would walk with her to the lounge when Simone gave Murray his dinner to close the curtains. She would have one hand on the back of my neck the other holding my ears. When I close the curtains every evening now, I see her there. When I…
When what you see and feel is the ultimate stranger to your soul – by James
I have experienced and worked through many challenges in life. My father was abusive and eventually shot himself, my dear dear mother fought a long battle with cancer which she lost, I survived a hijacking at gunpoint; I allowed myself to fall into substance abuse and spent a long period of my adult life being on my own, experiencing soul destroying loneliness, something which I have never acknowledged. The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters.” I believe life is about choice, how you react is about choice. I…
If I could hold you – by James
I know it’s wrong I know you’re gone, but for you in my arms, one last song. My mind is full of your smiling face, my hands tremble, I cannot brace. When I sit with boy boy for his morning milk, my love for you pulses, sharp like silk. I shed a tear with him because he knows, he pats my head he remembers our rose. The pain I know will go in time, but oh I miss you, face sublime. The void in me a massive gape, I know in time I will escape. My dear sweet mom is…
Name your grief and walk the road – by James
“When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.” John Irving – A prayer for Owen Meany It’s been six weeks since our…
My darling rose – by James
My darling rose I see you when I wake at night, a fitful sadness despair through my plight. I see you in the mirrors at home, we always played there now you roam. In my heart you always pure, you’ll touch me always and help me endure. A screaming pain that pulses through me, Oh Lord please hold my child in gentle lee. My ship is sailing a rudderless stave, your smiling face with grace it gave, my joy to have a little girl, your memory always a welcome burl. Isabella my sweet, my darling rose, I…
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