My Real Life Hero – by James

I have been absent from writing for a long time. Not because I am healed but more because I always meant the blog to be an outlet for Simone. I talk more easily than what she does you see. The last two years have been hard. My grief remains my daily companion, small reminders bringing the image of our departed children back to me. I constantly think about how great it would be to have three little monkeys running around our house, their giggling filling the space and our hearts. It is clear to me that Murray would dearly love…

Sometimes its just plain Sh!t… – by Simone

Today is one of those days. Just a complete emotional all-fall-down day. In fact the last few days have been tougher than normal. And today its 2 years and 1 month since our darling Bella left us.   Sometimes you know exactly where these real emotional lows come from, and other times they just hit you from out of nowhere. I know exactly why I am feeling the way I am feeling but the extent of how and what I am feeling has taken even me by surprise. More recently I have been doing well I think – well relatively…

My interview on Cape Talk with Melanie Rice – by Simone

I had the opportunity to be interviewed by Melanie Rice on Cape Talk last night. Melanie has known James since school and contacted us when she wanted to do something on grief. Thank you Melanie for giving us this opportunity to talk about our journey and to try and help those out there that are grieving or trying to help the grieving. Please take a listen!   https://omny.fm/shows/the-koketso-sachane-show/dealing-with-death-and-grief  

2 years today you left us – by Simone

  My darling Isabella Lindy Blanckenberg   2 years today, at 7.5 months old you left our world and in doing so irreparably changed our life forever. When you entered our lives you changed them for the better, and when you left it it shattered everything we knew. We were broken down to our bare bones, crawling along the sea bed, not sure if we would ever make it out of the darkness.   These anniversaries come around all too quickly, and its not just about the day itself. Its about the build up to the day and everything that…

The Void – by Simone

My darling Belsie Oh how I miss you baby girl. The void of you not being here seems to get bigger and bigger. You get used to it being there all the time, but it never gets any easier really, It’s funny, everyone prepares you for the first year, for getting through all the firsts. And you think it’s supposed to get easier after that, better somehow. But the picture above really perfectly describes how I feel. While the grief is less raw, less shocking, in some ways the loss is highlighted more and more as time goes on, the…

How I miss our little 2 1/2 year old – by Simone 

My darling Belsie You would have been 2 1/2 years old today my precious child. I got one of those cruel but amazing reminders from Facebook this morning of you at 6 months old. One of my favorite photos of you. That beautiful little face, with that toothless grin and shining blue eyes. It was a physical hit in the stomach, one that makes me reel. It also made me realize that it’s only 6 weeks until the 2nd anniversary of your death, and the dread and apprehension immediately set in. The 15 September has always seemed like a far…

My heart breaks a little more each time – by Simone

This morning Murray was playing with our puppy Daisy and was stroking her very sweetly. I commented on how nice he was being to her. He lent down, gave her a kiss on the head and said, “I love you so much Daisy, please don’t die.” On hearing something like this my heart really does break a little. All I want to do is protect my child from heartache and pain. From loss and the harsh realities of life. And I know that I cant and that’s hard. I so wish I could just wrap him in cotton wool. He…

Good morning my sweethearts – by Simone

Good morning my loves As I type this I am sitting at your beautiful resting place. It’s crisp, cold in fact, but so beautiful. The river is fuller than a few months ago and the sound of it running is so soothing. I can hear the grass being cut in the distance. I immediately feel calmer. I am reminded of the words on your plaque, that you are “in each and everything”. Since the interview last Wednesday I have felt quite unhinged, very emotional. I felt a bit like I had been run over by a bus!  I so enjoyed…

My appearance on live TV – the Afternoon Express show – by Simone

I had the privilege to appear on live television yesterday on the Afternoon Express show on SABC 3. It was my first time on television and they all immediately put me at ease. The show is impressively run and it was a privilege to watch it all unfold. I really did just feel like I was sitting on the couch talking to friends and was hardly aware of the cameras etc and what was happening around me.     As you can imagine, most people/commercial organisations shy away from this sort of subject matter – its heavy!! But they were…

You make my heart so warm darling Murray!

  My darling Murray   You had your grommets re-done this morning, and while its a tiny operation, these things always do make me anxious. You reacted so badly to your last 2 anaesthetics and it seems that you get post-operative delirium after anaesthetics. The anaethetist treated you with different meds this time around and our experience was completely different, thank goodness, all calm! You sit still for so little these days and aren’t big on cuddling unless its the middle of the night and you want me to lie with you! So to have you still and quiet for…