My darling Belsie Boo Today you would have been 8 years old. 8 years ago you entered this world beautiful girl. Gosh how I miss you every single day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, miss you and wonder how on earth this is our reality. Today I feel robbed. Robbed of so many things. Robbed of knowing what you would look like now…because I no longer feel that I know that. Robbed of knowing how your little personality would have developed, what you would have liked, resonated with, your little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Robbed…

  I must tell you, it is absolutely surreal to be standing here, 23 years after I stood on this very stage at my own matric dinner. I stood here thinking I was invincible and feeling like the world really was my oyster. I had enjoyed almost every aspect of my time at DSG and in many ways it was the perfect school for me – a small, nurturing environment which allowed me to excel in certain areas. I had been in the DSG schooling system from the age of 4 and I am pretty sure my dad thinks he…

Oh baby girl – today 7 years ago you died…how the hell is that possible? On so many levels – how is it possible that you died at all, how is it possible that it was 7 years ago? In some ways a life time ago, in other ways, like it was just yesterday. Oh how cruel it’s seems, every single part of it. That day I remember like it was yesterday…every single part of it. What I wore that morning, the meeting I went to and the presentation I gave, where I was standing at work when the phone…

Happy birthday my precious darling Thomas. Today you would have been 6 years old. And 6 years ago we also lost you and you went to be with your sister. We lost you on a Wednesday, just like today is a Wednesday. I remember the morning and the lead up to it as clearly as if it were yesterday. Last night I even woke up at the same time as I remember waking up that early early Wednesday morning 6 years ago – when I passed the 8cm clot that had caused all our issues in the first place. I…

Good morning precious baby girl of ours Today is your 7th birthday. You would have been a whole 7 years old and in grade 1. The thought of that is so so hard my darling child. So many milestones we have missed, so many celebrations we haven’t had.   I write this while sitting with you and Thomas at The Vineyard. It’s a perfect morning, quiet, peaceful. Birds chirping, water flowing in the river, sun spilling through the trees, dappled light on the leaves. It feels very similar to the day you were born, which I also remember as being…

My precious baby girl, it’s your mom here, writing to you again Today marks that day 6 years ago that you left us. I still play that day and the days building up to it over and over in my head, so much of it so vivid in my mind. It still sometimes seems completely and absolutely surreal to me that you died, how the hell is that actually possible? How was I not able to do the one thing I needed to do as a mom – to keep you safe and alive? I failed you in the most…

My Darling Bella Its 5 years today that you died. How on earth is that possible? In some ways just a moment ago, in other ways a lifetime ago. You died on a Tuesday afternoon, and today, 5 years later, we come around to it being a Tuesday again. Its also the first year where we haven’t gone away, haven’t hidden away from the world where no-one can find us. And so all of this has been playing on my mind, and to be honest, freaking me out. I can’t be in our home around the time that you died,…

When your child dies, one of the things you have to figure out is what to do with their clothes. And let me tell you, that is no easy feat! It’s fraught with so many difficult decisions! I burnt the clothes she died in which was somewhat cathartic and I had seen some ideas of people using some of their loved ones clothes to create a memory quilt. But this definitely was something that I could not do myself – both because I lack the creative ability and would also have found it way too hard. So my step-mom Debbie…