My dream of you – by Simone

Hello my baby girl I dreamt of you a few nights ago. I haven’t done that in a long time. And the dream was so so real. It was in our house, in your room. It was all very very vivid. You had died and we had put your body back in your cot so that we could go and look at you when we wanted to. I was chatting to your dad about how much I missed you and he said I should go and look at you in your cot and give you a kiss and maybe it…

Hospice Talk Video – by Simone

Someone was kind enough to video my talk that I did so here it is for anyone who might be interested. There is a small portion towards the end that was not videoed and so I included the text for completeness sake.

Hospice Annual talk – Simone

  I had the privilege of speaking at the annual Hospice events in Grahamstown and Kenton this weekend. It was completely daunting but also great to be able to connect with people and hopefully make a difference in some way. Below is a clip of the slideshow I put together that goes with the talk as well as the talk itself in video form with the text below.   It is both an extreme privilege and an incredibly daunting task to stand up here and talk to you today. I look out and see so many faces that I recognise,…

A letter to my darling Belsie, 3 years after you left us – by Simone

My baby girl It’s 3 years ago today that you left us on this earth. As your dad said to me this morning, sometimes it feels like only half an hour ago, other times an entire lifetime ago. But the one thing that doesn’t change is that we miss you so very desperately every single day and that you are never ever not with us, in our hearts. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t wonder how different life would be if you were still alive. I mourn not only for you but for the loss…

How to help your grieving child – by Simone

I have been thinking about writing something around helping children with grief and the need was cemented for me when a mom reached out specifically asking about this subject. I think about it a lot – how to help Murray with his grief. It can be really tough to know what to do and how to assist him, especially when you are feeling depleted yourself, unable to actually even comprehend your own feelings. In writing this I reached out to other moms who have lost children and asked them to share ideas in terms of how they have helped their…

Surrogacy – the good, the bad and the unsuccessful – by Simone

I think that finally we have got to the end of this “trying to have another baby” journey. And it hasn’t ended in the way we had hoped, not at all, but I am hoping that finally, maybe, we can make a bit of peace with this. You see, we have walked pretty far down the surrogacy road the last few months. And it has ended unsuccessfully, not through lack of trying, hoping, wishing and praying and with all the will in the world from everyone, but because a medical complication has made it impossible for our chosen surrogate to…

Let me tell you who I am now – by Simone

I have been feeling frustrated and misunderstood, by myself and others as this journey of grief has continued its march. I have been thinking about what to write, how to put it into words and then I came across this beautiful piece written by Angela Miller and it so perfectly describes how I feel that I wanted to share it. I realize that the only way that people can fully understand this journey is by having to become a bereaved parent themselves, and this is not something I would wish on anyone, ever. Before it happens you cannot go there;…

My WTF moment – by Simone

On this journey of grief, you are thrown curve balls along the way that leave you speechless. I had one of those yesterday. I have written on here about my social anxiety, especially when it comes to social situations where I know I will be surrounded by people that I don’t know well and who may not know our story – where I have to manage peoples reactions and discomfort and how they generally have no idea what to “do” with me. I did some lifting yesterday for a school outing of Murray’s where some other moms were also helping…

Murray’s meltdown – by Simone

I don’t even know how to start this post. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through me – so much sorrow, so much grief, so much sadness, so much uncertainty. Murray had a complete meltdown about his lost brother and sister this morning. He was sobbing for them, wanting to know why they had died, asking me to bring them back, telling me about how much he missed them and wanting to know exactly where they are, pointing up at the sky. He was inconsolable in his grief, holding onto me for dear life. As a parent all…