James and Alcohol – by Simone

As I was driving to work this morning, on Valentine’s Day, I was thinking about my darling husband, how much I love him and how grateful I am for him. I thought back over our last few years and how much we have been challenged, and how strong he has been in facing a particular challenge of his. Some of you may not know this but my husband stopped drinking almost 4 years ago. Prior to this he was an “over-indulger”. It wasn’t that he drank every day. Not at all. But rather that when he drank in a social…

Smacked straight in the gut – by Simone

My darling Bella I have literally just been punched straight in the stomach. I have just received an email from one of the schools that I had your name down at to tell me that the admission process was starting and that we would hear shortly about your place. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. About 2 weeks after you died I emailed all the schools where I had put your name down to tell them that you had died and to avoid them contacting me in the future. This particular school actually had the most heartfelt…

Happy 3rd birthday darling Bella Pops – by Simone

My darling daughter Today is your 3rd birthday. I remember that day 3 years ago so so clearly. The day you entered our world and embedded yourself in my heart forever. Oh how we would have celebrated you if you were still here on earth. Presents, cakes, candles, parties, singing. I imagine how you would have looked, what your hair would have looked like, your sparkling blue eyes. What your relationship with your brother would have been like. Oh how I crave for all of that!! Today has been a tough day. I feel like I didn’t carve out enough…

My Lymph Node Transplant – by Simone

This blog started off as a medium to be able to help us cope with the loss of our children, and in that way, also reach out to others and help them cope with their loss in any way that we could. Over time, this has morphed into a bit of a diary about our/my life – covering the death of children, our journey with grief, life’s disappointments, cancer scares, IVF and so much more. And more often than not the honest way in which we share here is pretty scary. Because putting your stuff out there is scary, being…

2017/2018 – Looking back and looking forward – by Simone

This blog post has taken me the longest to write and it feels completely ineloquent and unprofound. Normally at the beginning of a year I am fired up, able to reflect on the year that has past, and also look forward to the year ahead with some good goals that I actively aim to achieve. I also always ensure that I spend some time on the 1 January thinking and writing, putting my thoughts and goals down on paper. And somehow this year, I am finding that quite hard to do. Almost like I just can’t find the energy to…

Remembering to give thanks…by Simone

So it’s that time of year – Christmas, New Year, holiday time. And with this comes a massive mix of emotions. Happiness and joy at seeing Murray’s excitement around Christmas and Father Christmas, reliving again all the excitement I used to feel as a child. Sadness that his brother and sister are not here to celebrate with him, seeing his craving for a sibling to share this all with. Deep deep grief for ourselves, but also almost more so for those parents who I have met who have lost children in the last 12 months and for whom they are…

Photographs, photo albums, memories…- by Simone

Any body who knows me will know that I am a photo person. I drive my family mad at any family gathering because I always insist on getting some family pictures done to mark the occasion and very luckily for me my sister is an amazing photographer so we generally get a selection of great photos at least a couple of times a year.   I also don’t like it if the photos just land up sitting on my computer or phone. I like to ensure that I make photobooks so that at any stage we can pull them out…

St Lukes Hospice Talk – by Simone

I had the privilege of being asked to talk to the grief counselors at St Lukes Hospice on Saturday to give them some insights into our grief journey and things we feel may help others. Here are the notes I went armed with, most of which I didn’t use, but I thought they would be interesting to share here. Welcome and thank you – for giving so selflessly. And wanting and being able to do what so many people are incapable of doing. Grief is such a taboo subject and makes so many people feel so unbelievably uncomfortable. Thank you…

My Real Life Hero – by James

I have been absent from writing for a long time. Not because I am healed but more because I always meant the blog to be an outlet for Simone. I talk more easily than what she does you see. The last two years have been hard. My grief remains my daily companion, small reminders bringing the image of our departed children back to me. I constantly think about how great it would be to have three little monkeys running around our house, their giggling filling the space and our hearts. It is clear to me that Murray would dearly love…

Sometimes its just plain Sh!t… – by Simone

Today is one of those days. Just a complete emotional all-fall-down day. In fact the last few days have been tougher than normal. And today its 2 years and 1 month since our darling Bella left us.   Sometimes you know exactly where these real emotional lows come from, and other times they just hit you from out of nowhere. I know exactly why I am feeling the way I am feeling but the extent of how and what I am feeling has taken even me by surprise. More recently I have been doing well I think – well relatively…