Hi baby girl Its mom here! I think of you constantly, literally every moment of every day. Its hard to actually believe that one thing can consume your mind to the almost complete exclusion of everything else. No wonder they say that in this sort of situation your brain only works at 5-10% of the capacity that it normally works at. The other 90-95% is absorbed with thinking about you. Anyway, today is a particularly pertinent day. A year ago today, you tried to come into the world at 26 weeks and 6 days. Perhaps you knew that your…
“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.” ― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
From November, 2015
Choose to live
When you look back one day, don’t remember keeping at bay, life’s sheer joy and bountiful pleasure, because you allowed it, fade at leisure. Remember that you have all the tools, to make your place, make your rules. To take life on with all it’s trials, and come out smiling, holding the jewels. You have it in you to see the light, and grab it daily with all your might. To love with all your heart and soul, and give your loved ones a plenty bowl. Cherish your spouse and keep them near, and be the shoulder…
Tree of Light – by Simone
As has become an annual tradition for my dad and step-mom, Shelbi, they sponsor lights at the Grahamstown Hospice Tree of Light around the festive season, in remembrance of those people close to us who we have lost. It is done in memory and celebration of life. Tonight the tree was switched on after the Carols by Candlelight service at the St Michaels and St Georges Cathedral and will remain lit over the festive period. In addition to lights for my mom, grandparents, Shelbi’s dad and grandparents, we have added a light for Bella and for Riley. Very specially, K&A…
Thank you for reaching out – by Simone
We had the most uplifting and heart warming experience yesterday (Sunday). 10 days ago we received an email from people (K&A) that we don’t know, who lost their 1 year old daughter 9 days after our precious Bella left us. Their little girl died from SUDC in her crib. She was their only child and their delight and shining star. They had come across us as James went to school with a friend of theirs. This friend had been reading our blog and recommended to them that they take a look as he felt that it may help them in…
I see you …. by James
The shock of our sweet daughter’s death has left me. The anxiety filled days, where getting out of bed was near impossible, are becoming easier. But her beautiful face, smiling at me so sweetly when I played hide and seek with her in the mirrors at home, is a constant recurring thought. I would walk with her to the lounge when Simone gave Murray his dinner to close the curtains. She would have one hand on the back of my neck the other holding my ears. When I close the curtains every evening now, I see her there. When I…
A letter from heaven, 2 months after you left us – by Simone
You left us 2 months ago my precious girl. I can’t find the words to write today so I thought I would borrow some words from a remembrance service I went to 2 weeks ago. I love you baby girl, with all of my being. Your mom Letter from Heaven To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say… But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay. I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here there’s no more tears of sadness, there is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy just…
People’s reactions to the bereaved – by James
When we hear that someone has lost a family member and specifically a child we are often times lost about what to do or say. When you experience a traumatic and sudden loss of a child you start understanding the varied responses that people give to your loss. Some people are naturally carers and know instinctively what to say and do. Some people are so torn up themselves they cannot call or approach you because it’s just too much. Others adopt an avoidance approach where the subject is not broached at all, possibly mistakenly thinking that the person wants to…
A letter to my little girl from your mom, 8 weeks after you left us – by Simone
My darling Belsie You are touching peoples lives. I posted my first letter to you on our blog and have had such an incredible outpouring from people. It was my inner most thoughts and feelings, written especially to and for you. And I thought very long and very hard before posting it as to bear your soul to all and sundry like that is really really scary. Especially when you are used to being strong and together and not particularly vulnerable. But the way it has been received by most people has been truly heartwarming. I have been so uplifted…
When what you see and feel is the ultimate stranger to your soul – by James
I have experienced and worked through many challenges in life. My father was abusive and eventually shot himself, my dear dear mother fought a long battle with cancer which she lost, I survived a hijacking at gunpoint; I allowed myself to fall into substance abuse and spent a long period of my adult life being on my own, experiencing soul destroying loneliness, something which I have never acknowledged. The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters.” I believe life is about choice, how you react is about choice. I…
Signs? – by Simone
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have been looking for signs from you…anything really… A few days ago, I was in our bedroom playing with Murray on the bed, and I suddenly heard this vibrating noise. I ignored it for a while, not being able to figure out what on earth it was. I couldn’t ignore it anymore and I went into the bathroom and somehow my electric toothbrush had turned itself on! Completely bizarre! And I am going to believe that that was a sign from you! Hi my baby girl, mommy hears you and loves…
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