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A new normal

A very dear friend, who has had a serious tough time in life and yet always has a smile on her face and conducts herself with such incredible grace and dignity, shared this with me and it is just so spot on that i had to share it.   What is Normal after your child dies? Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life Normal is feeling like you can’t sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don’t like to…

Smacked straight in the gut – by Simone

My darling Bella I have literally just been punched straight in the stomach. I have just received an email from one of the schools that I had your name down at to tell me that the admission process was starting and that we would hear shortly about your place. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. About 2 weeks after you died I emailed all the schools where I had put your name down to tell them that you had died and to avoid them contacting me in the future. This particular school actually had the most heartfelt…

Happy 3rd birthday darling Bella Pops – by Simone

My darling daughter Today is your 3rd birthday. I remember that day 3 years ago so so clearly. The day you entered our world and embedded yourself in my heart forever. Oh how we would have celebrated you if you were still here on earth. Presents, cakes, candles, parties, singing. I imagine how you would have looked, what your hair would have looked like, your sparkling blue eyes. What your relationship with your brother would have been like. Oh how I crave for all of that!! Today has been a tough day. I feel like I didn’t carve out enough…

2017/2018 – Looking back and looking forward – by Simone

This blog post has taken me the longest to write and it feels completely ineloquent and unprofound. Normally at the beginning of a year I am fired up, able to reflect on the year that has past, and also look forward to the year ahead with some good goals that I actively aim to achieve. I also always ensure that I spend some time on the 1 January thinking and writing, putting my thoughts and goals down on paper. And somehow this year, I am finding that quite hard to do. Almost like I just can’t find the energy to…

Remembering to give thanks…by Simone

So it’s that time of year – Christmas, New Year, holiday time. And with this comes a massive mix of emotions. Happiness and joy at seeing Murray’s excitement around Christmas and Father Christmas, reliving again all the excitement I used to feel as a child. Sadness that his brother and sister are not here to celebrate with him, seeing his craving for a sibling to share this all with. Deep deep grief for ourselves, but also almost more so for those parents who I have met who have lost children in the last 12 months and for whom they are…

Photographs, photo albums, memories…- by Simone

Any body who knows me will know that I am a photo person. I drive my family mad at any family gathering because I always insist on getting some family pictures done to mark the occasion and very luckily for me my sister is an amazing photographer so we generally get a selection of great photos at least a couple of times a year.   I also don’t like it if the photos just land up sitting on my computer or phone. I like to ensure that I make photobooks so that at any stage we can pull them out…

St Lukes Hospice Talk – by Simone

I had the privilege of being asked to talk to the grief counselors at St Lukes Hospice on Saturday to give them some insights into our grief journey and things we feel may help others. Here are the notes I went armed with, most of which I didn’t use, but I thought they would be interesting to share here. Welcome and thank you – for giving so selflessly. And wanting and being able to do what so many people are incapable of doing. Grief is such a taboo subject and makes so many people feel so unbelievably uncomfortable. Thank you…

My Real Life Hero – by James

I have been absent from writing for a long time. Not because I am healed but more because I always meant the blog to be an outlet for Simone. I talk more easily than what she does you see. The last two years have been hard. My grief remains my daily companion, small reminders bringing the image of our departed children back to me. I constantly think about how great it would be to have three little monkeys running around our house, their giggling filling the space and our hearts. It is clear to me that Murray would dearly love…

My interview on Cape Talk with Melanie Rice – by Simone

I had the opportunity to be interviewed by Melanie Rice on Cape Talk last night. Melanie has known James since school and contacted us when she wanted to do something on grief. Thank you Melanie for giving us this opportunity to talk about our journey and to try and help those out there that are grieving or trying to help the grieving. Please take a listen!   https://omny.fm/shows/the-koketso-sachane-show/dealing-with-death-and-grief