It was my birthday this weekend. Since Bella died, birthdays for me have been hard. She died 3 weeks after my 34th birthday and so it always felt that that specific birthday marked the last time I innocently went on and celebrated life, completely oblivious to what was to come, how much our lives were going to be completely changed forever. How my heart was going  to be shattered into a million pieces and how hard it was going to be to paste it together again. My first birthday after Bella died, Thomas had also just died and I was…