I don’t even know how to start this post. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through me – so much sorrow, so much grief, so much sadness, so much uncertainty. Murray had a complete meltdown about his lost brother and sister this morning. He was sobbing for them, wanting to know why they had died, asking me to bring them back, telling me about how much he missed them and wanting to know exactly where they are, pointing up at the sky. He was inconsolable in his grief, holding onto me for dear life. As a parent all…

This morning Murray was playing with our puppy Daisy and was stroking her very sweetly. I commented on how nice he was being to her. He lent down, gave her a kiss on the head and said, “I love you so much Daisy, please don’t die.” On hearing something like this my heart really does break a little. All I want to do is protect my child from heartache and pain. From loss and the harsh realities of life. And I know that I cant and that’s hard. I so wish I could just wrap him in cotton wool. He…

  My darling Murray   You had your grommets re-done this morning, and while its a tiny operation, these things always do make me anxious. You reacted so badly to your last 2 anaesthetics and it seems that you get post-operative delirium after anaesthetics. The anaethetist treated you with different meds this time around and our experience was completely different, thank goodness, all calm! You sit still for so little these days and aren’t big on cuddling unless its the middle of the night and you want me to lie with you! So to have you still and quiet for…

Our darling son, Murray   You are our blessing, our lifeline, our gift. What on earth would we do without you? How on earth would we have got through the last 134 days? You have given us the reason to carry on, the reason to get out of bed in the mornings, to shower, get dressed and sometimes to smile. You are at the most wonderful age. Learning new things every day, absorbing everything, flexing that little personality of yours,   Even though you are still so so little, you are just so in-tune, so clever. You know now that…