From Simone general writing

Bits of our story might be in a book! – by Simone

I had a really cool experience yesterday morning – I got to spend an hour speaking about my darling children, significant events in my life and how they have shaped me.   2 girls from Switzerland, Sandra and Sandra, are putting together a book called “People – Like You and Me”. The goal of the book is to capture a person in photography and then to share their story. Their goal is to capture 80 people and their stories. They are speaking to people about a special turning point in their lives, and how this has defined/changed who they are. Each interview…

Some light appears – by Simone

Its been a little while since I have written. Not because I don’t think of you pretty much every moment of the day my darling child. Because I do.   I feel like I am slowly starting to make a little bit of progress in dealing with my grief. I was in such a dark place for so long, crawling along the seabed, unsure of how to possibly go on, how I would ever see any light. But now slowly, that very heavy feeling on my chest, the near suffocation, the constant darkness is starting to lift. Some days are…

Thank you – by James and Simone

Its been almost 12 months since we started this blog. I must admit that in the beginning I was very skeptical about this whole “blogging” thing, about putting ourselves out there. But we were motivated by 2 things – wanting to ensure that Bella (and then Thomas’) names and memories continued to live on far beyond their time on earth; and wanting to help those who were also travelling a journey of grief. And we think that we have in some way been able to achieve these 2 things over the last year.   But we wanted to thank each…

Our Painting and Vision – by Simone

A few weeks ago I had a very surreal experience. I went for a run and while listening to my iPod, “You Raise Me Up” by Josh Groban started to play. Not only is this a beautiful song and incredibly pertinent for right now, this is also the song that my dear friend Sass (Sarah Stuart (van Lingen)) walked down the aisle to. Sass died tragically 2.5 years ago leaving her husband, family and 2 beautiful boys behind. The song was playing loudly in my ears and my entire mind and body were filled with the words of this wonderful song.   I…

Taking time to acknowledge and celebrate the good – by Simone

Its easy to become bogged down in the bad and to start believing that nothing good will ever happen. Well not easy, but after all the challenges that have been thrown our way the last 9 months, the bad can sometimes overwhelm. And so today I take time to acknowledge and celebrate the good. I had a PET scan yesterday and I got the results today – its all clear! The relief couldn’t be more real and quite frankly, overwhelming. After my bad blood results 4 months ago, the death of Bella and Thomas, and the stress that my body…

When everything just feels wrong – by Simone

Everything feels wrong, uncomfortable, out of place. The only thing that doesn’t feel wrong at the moment is sleeping. It’s the only time I can escape from everything that is going on in my head, the only time that I can “forget”.   – I wake up in the morning and it feels wrong because I am so so tired and all I want to do is sleep – I get up, shower, get dressed and put make-up on to try and make myself look a bit presentable, but it feels wrong because I don’t want to look “okay”. I…

When your already broken heart shatters – by Simone

Where to begin, oh where to begin…the last 16 days have been a complete and absolute rollercoaster ride of emotions. From initially thinking we were losing baby Thomas 2 Thursday’s ago, to things seeming to stabilise a bit; to a terrible scan, to a somewhat improved scan; from one medical complication to another; to being allowed out of hospital for a few hours 2 days in a row as a test drive to see how things went; to making it to 26 weeks and being allowed to go home with strict instructions around bed rest; to being back in hospital…

Sometimes life’s challenges just feel too much – by Simone

I am not in a great headspace at the moment. I feel like I am being tested beyond what I have the capacity to deal with. Even though I know I will get through all these challenges, I am finding it all quite tough to be honest.   I had cancer 5 years ago (a malignant melanoma which spread to the lymphs in my groin) but after surgeries and radiation, besides my very regular check ups, I continue life without thinking about it too much. I suffer with severe lymphedema (swelling of the right limb) which I have constant therapy…

Photographs – Bitter-Sweet – By Simone

Anybody who knows me knows that I am big into photos! It always used to drive my family mad as I used to insist on a whole stack of family photos being taken every Christmas and on other regular photo sessions. The photos on the walls in our home need a bit of an update. They were last done just after Bella was born so there are very few of her up. And I want to rectify that.   I have photos of her on my desk at work but I want to be able to look at her smiling…

Thank you for reaching out – by Simone

We had the most uplifting and heart warming experience yesterday (Sunday). 10 days ago we received an email from people (K&A) that we don’t know, who lost their 1 year old daughter 9 days after our precious Bella left us. Their little girl died from SUDC in her crib. She was their only child and their delight and shining star. They had come across us as James went to school with a friend of theirs. This friend had been reading our blog and recommended to them that they take a look as he felt that it may help them in…