Lull – 4 month today – from your daddy pops
The ferocious storm which battered me has passed,
quiet moments after a sudden and rendering torrent.
Crickets and Christmas beetles drumming reminders,
constant strobe memories of you my Belsie, my sweet child.
Your garden is ready my poopsie,
pink little roses and white smiles all around.
Water cascading, reminding us of you our gentle gift,
Boy boy asks for you more and more, my heart breaks.
I go to your smiling face many times a day,
holding onto the remnant of your life, so difficult to totally let go.
Promise of new life, I can’t comfortably contextualise,
it doesn’t mean we have forgotten you my angel.
My heart breaks for your mom with the same force today,
that it did when we held what was your memory in our arms.
I feel as helpless as I did that day to ease her pain,
to lend my shoulder and heart to ease and comfort.
Belsie you are so missed by us my sweet dear girl,
I don’t know if our sky will ever really be blue again.
But I thank God every day for what I have been given,
Praying more though that you are getting hugs and kisses in heaven,
those to match the force of our love for you during your short time with us.
Daddy loves you always. xxxxx
Thank you. Had wanted to ask how you folk are doing. If it was now too painful to write and how you were managing the new ‘news’ emotionally. Whether it’s part pain, part excitement. Or no excitement, or feeling like it’s a gift… Just..How you folk are doing. Then I figured silence is sometimes a ‘space,’ so let me not get into that space uninvited. I fear triggering a bad memory when you folk are right in the midst of some happy event or moment. That’s my greatest fear and why I don’t check on you when you’ve gone silent. May this year be a year of cleansing tears and growing strength. May the new blessing bring you closer to each other as a family. Love to all.