My darling girl   I have just finished reading your brother his bedtime story. I read him a book which was actually a gift to you from our dear friends in the States, Colin and Tori. I have read him this book often and every time it moves me to tears, but I felt very strongly that tonight it was a message to you.   “Wherever you are, my love will find you” by Nancy Tillman   “I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go. It’s high as you wish…

You would have been 11 months old today my precious girl, and it’s also the beginning of 2016.   I normally use a new year to reflect on the year before, the good, the bad, whether I achieved the goals I had set out for myself at the beginning of the previous year, and also to look forward and to set out a few things that I would like to achieve or do in the year ahead.   It would be so so easy to say “Good riddance to 2015, it was awful, full of so much tragedy, and most…

Hello my darling girl   It’s Christmas Day, what would have been your first, but life robbed us of having that milestone with you, one of so so many. We haven’t really celebrated Christmas this year – no crackers, red and green, flashing lights. It’s just seemed too hard to muster the energy to do anything.   Yesterday was a very very hard day for me, and today too. I have cried a lot, just missing you so very much and feeling the lack of your presence so much. The physical and mental pain are so acute.   Your brother…

My darling baby girl   Its been 3 months today since you left us. And it’s also a Tuesday, so 13 weeks since that fateful day. Somebody asked me the other day if I remember anything from the day you died. I remember every single tiny detail. I don’t remember much from the days that followed, but from that day…everything. It will be indelibly marked in my brain, mind and heart forever, and I will be forever changed.   As I sit here this morning, with your brother cuddled up next to me (for the 2 seconds that he actually…

Good morning precious girl My heart bleeds for you today. We are on the beach with your precious brother and he is running around having an absolute ball with your dad in the waves. Running up to them as they retreat from him and then running away from them as they come towards him again. I am sitting on the towel, watching them play, and being so acutely aware of the lack of your presence. You would have been just over 10 months old now, and I know you would have been sitting here next to me, stuffing sand into…

Hi baby girl   Its mom here! I think of you constantly, literally every moment of every day. Its hard to actually believe that one thing can consume your mind to the almost complete exclusion of everything else. No wonder they say that in this sort of situation your brain only works at 5-10% of the capacity that it normally works at. The other 90-95% is absorbed with thinking about you.   Anyway, today is a particularly pertinent day. A year ago today, you tried to come into the world at 26 weeks and 6 days. Perhaps you knew that your…

You left us 2 months ago my precious girl. I can’t find the words to write today so I thought I would borrow some words from a remembrance service I went to 2 weeks ago. I love you baby girl, with all of my being. Your mom Letter from Heaven To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say… But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay. I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here there’s no more tears of sadness, there is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy just…