Hello my darling girl
It’s Christmas Day, what would have been your first, but life robbed us of having that milestone with you, one of so so many. We haven’t really celebrated Christmas this year – no crackers, red and green, flashing lights. It’s just seemed too hard to muster the energy to do anything.
Yesterday was a very very hard day for me, and today too. I have cried a lot, just missing you so very much and feeling the lack of your presence so much. The physical and mental pain are so acute.
Your brother has been asking for you so so much, all the time. Your loss for him is so real too. His sweet Sissie, taken away, with him having no ability to understand why. I was watching him in the bath playing last night, splashing around, and imagining you in the bath with him. The fact that he won’t ever have that again.
This morning your dad and I went to church early early. We only made it through half the service. We both just cried and cried and cried. Your dad had a picture of you open on his phone, the one with you and your 7 month card, where you were smiling so so much. It’s just too hard to even try and find the words.
I love you baby girl, with every part of me, and miss you more that words can describe.