Hi baby girl
Its mom here! I think of you constantly, literally every moment of every day. Its hard to actually believe that one thing can consume your mind to the almost complete exclusion of everything else. No wonder they say that in this sort of situation your brain only works at 5-10% of the capacity that it normally works at. The other 90-95% is absorbed with thinking about you.
Anyway, today is a particularly pertinent day. A year ago today, you tried to come into the world at 26 weeks and 6 days. Perhaps you knew that your time was going to be limited and so you wanted to spend as much time with us as possible? I will always remember the date because its also the day that your little friend Jess decided to come into the world! You almost shared a birthday with your special friend.
I remember the events of that day so well. We were in the last 2 weeks of trying to finish the renovations on our new home and your dad was working at a feverish pace trying to ensure it all got done! He had been at the house since 4.30am that morning and I had taken your brother for a walk along the river. 2/3 of the way into our walk Murray decided that he wanted to explore his new found independence and wouldn’t stay in his pram. I had to carry him the rest of the way home while pushing the pram as well.
When I got home I started to have a bit of pain, but thought it was just from carrying Murray and overdoing it a bit and figured it would go away. Your dad came home for a bit to check that all was okay and I mentioned that I wasn’t feeling great but didn’t make a big deal out of it. He went back to the house and I took Murray to the Newlands Forest Volunteer Wildfire Services exhibition so that he could see the helicopters. Again some more walking and carrying of your brother (remember please that you brother at 13 months weighed pretty much the same as he weighs now at 26 months – he was a cute little lump of lard!). I got home, fed Murray and put him down for his midday sleep. By now the pain had started to escalate and my tummy started to feel like it was bring gripped in a vice every few minutes. Dad popped home for lunch and by then the pain I was in was pretty obvious. I lay down hoping that a bit of rest would resolve the issue (denial much? J).
By the time Murray woke up from his nap, the pain hadn’t abated at all and I was starting to get worried. I called the gynae on duty (unfortunately not my gynae) and he asked me if I was having contractions to which I replied, “I don’t know.” His comment with more than a little disdain, “Oh, so you had a scheduled c-section first time around then?”. He advised that I go into the labour ward to be checked out. So off James, Murray and I all trekked to the hospital to see what was going on. As we were getting into the car, I got an sms from your Aunty Carol with a pic of a newly born Jess. 10 minutes later I walked into the maternity ward and into Carols room to meet her little bundle of joy (how lucky was that?!) before being taken to be examined. They strapped me up to the foetal monitor and your little heartbeat was strong, a huge relief. Murphys Law, my pain seem to have abated a bit and they couldn’t pick up any contractions on the monitor. They did an internal and I wasn’t dilated so they sent me home, telling me to return if things got worse.
3 hours later I was in a bad way and could barely walk. I called the gynae again and he advised that I go back to hospital but this time to bring an overnight bag with me. We left Murray sleeping with Uncle Matt and Aunty Carley and dad and I set off back to the hospital. The same nurse who had dealt with me earlier was still on call (she was wonderful) and as she saw me walking down the passage, she jumped into action and I burst into tears. They did another internal and this time I was 3cm dilated. Suddenly, panic stations! Lots of nurses in and out (still no doctor), injections and tablets to try and stop the labour progressing but also to mature your lungs to give you the best chance of survival in case you did arrive. After about 3 hours things started to feel a bit better and the panic started to subside somewhat.
Dad went home to Murray and I was left to sleep. The next morning I got another big fright. They came to check on me and put the monitor on to hear your heartbeat. At first they couldn’t find one, then they found one that was very slow and thought the monitor was picking up mine instead. Realising that it was your heartbeat, beating much slower that it should have been, panic again. Things seem to rectify themselves once they had given me something to eat (I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours) and adjusted my meds a bit. The gynae eventually came in to see me that morning, scanned me and all seemed to be okay. I then got to see my normal gynae on Monday, the amazing woman who would later deliver you, and she monitored me and let me go home on Tuesday. What a treat that you and I got to spend that time in hospital with Aunty Carol and Jess (and that I could be grateful that it wasn’t you or Jess that screamed all night long! J) It still isn’t certain what started your pre-term labour (maybe just little impatient you? J) and 10 weeks later you did finally make an appearance, somewhat unannounced but at least this time I was a little more prepared!
I love you my baby girl, you are never more than a moments thought away.