Dearest darling Belsie   It’s been 6 months today since you left us, 6 months!! How is that even possible??   I must be honest, words seem to escape me at the moment. I have been having a really tough time of late, I know that you see that from where you are. Your brother has also really been struggling. I got home from work one afternoon last week and he looked at and said “Sissie is gone”. So I said yes and he stated “Sissie gone to heaven”. He then asked me where heaven was, and I replied “Up…

My darling Belsie It’s 5 months since you left us. How is that even possible???? The pain still feels so raw, so new, my mind still so consumed with thoughts of you. The last 5 months really have been a blur, a fuzzy mess of mostly non-recollection, of going through life on auto-pilot.  2 dear friends sent me this poem the other day independently and it is so very true. I think it might help people understand me better? And it’s been an important thing for me to understand. Throughout my life I have been the kind of person who…

Hello my Belsie   The waves come and hit me when I least expect them. Big waves. I am traveling for the next 2 days and so I am away from your brother and dad, so maybe that’s why I am feeling them so acutely today. But they are almost overwhelming. I need to hold it together but it’s tough. I am feeling anxious being so far away from Murray and Dad, not just being a maximum of 5 minutes away from them if I need to get to them.   I also drove the road from Pretoria to the…

Hi my baby girl I know you saw it all but here are just a few snippets from the day. It was hard, so so hard, but as always made easier by the amazing support we received from our family, friends and community. We have been encased with love and support, oh how fortunate we are. I cried a lot, but I also smiled for you and celebrated you. We talked about you, told Murray it was your birthday, remembered you and reminisced. Terry came and did a beautiful blessing for us and for your garden, and brought your ashes…

My darling precious angel, Belsie   Happy 1st birthday my precious daughter.   I am going to be completely honest, I am finding it almost impossible to get my head around today. The fact that it’s your first birthday that you would have celebrated with us, and it’s the first birthday we are having to celebrate without you. How do I ever even start to get my head around the fact that I didn’t even get to celebrate one single birthday with you?   Had you been alive what would we have done to celebrate your day? I could pretend…

Good morning my darling baby girl   Its 4 months today since you left us, and literally not a minute goes by that I don’t think of you. Every. Single. Minute. It still amazes me that something can consume my mind so completely, to the exclusion of almost everything else. I have become inordinately forgetful, ridiculously so. Sometimes I would forget things before but then when somebody said something to me, it would trigger the memory and then I would know exactly what they were talking about and have good recall. That’s certainly not the case now! Its almost like…