Hello my baby girl I dreamt of you a few nights ago. I haven’t done that in a long time. And the dream was so so real. It was in our house, in your room. It was all very very vivid. You had died and we had put your body back in your cot so that we could go and look at you when we wanted to. I was chatting to your dad about how much I missed you and he said I should go and look at you in your cot and give you a kiss and maybe it…

Someone was kind enough to video my talk that I did so here it is for anyone who might be interested. There is a small portion towards the end that was not videoed and so I included the text for completeness sake.

I had the privilege yesterday of talking on Cape Talk for Inspiration Wednesday about our journey the last 3 years. Thank you Melanie Rice for allowing us to share with others.   Here is the interview   https://omny.fm/shows/afternoons-with-pippa-hudson/inspiration-wednesdays-simone-blackenberg  

My baby girl It’s 3 years ago today that you left us on this earth. As your dad said to me this morning, sometimes it feels like only half an hour ago, other times an entire lifetime ago. But the one thing that doesn’t change is that we miss you so very desperately every single day and that you are never ever not with us, in our hearts. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t wonder how different life would be if you were still alive. I mourn not only for you but for the loss…

I have been thinking about writing something around helping children with grief and the need was cemented for me when a mom reached out specifically asking about this subject. I think about it a lot – how to help Murray with his grief. It can be really tough to know what to do and how to assist him, especially when you are feeling depleted yourself, unable to actually even comprehend your own feelings. In writing this I reached out to other moms who have lost children and asked them to share ideas in terms of how they have helped their…

I think that finally we have got to the end of this “trying to have another baby” journey. And it hasn’t ended in the way we had hoped, not at all, but I am hoping that finally, maybe, we can make a bit of peace with this. You see, we have walked pretty far down the surrogacy road the last few months. And it has ended unsuccessfully, not through lack of trying, hoping, wishing and praying and with all the will in the world from everyone, but because a medical complication has made it impossible for our chosen surrogate to…

I have been feeling frustrated and misunderstood, by myself and others as this journey of grief has continued its march. I have been thinking about what to write, how to put it into words and then I came across this beautiful piece written by Angela Miller and it so perfectly describes how I feel that I wanted to share it. I realize that the only way that people can fully understand this journey is by having to become a bereaved parent themselves, and this is not something I would wish on anyone, ever. Before it happens you cannot go there;…

A very dear friend, who has had a serious tough time in life and yet always has a smile on her face and conducts herself with such incredible grace and dignity, shared this with me and it is just so spot on that i had to share it.   What is Normal after your child dies? Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life Normal is feeling like you can’t sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don’t like to…

My darling Bella I have literally just been punched straight in the stomach. I have just received an email from one of the schools that I had your name down at to tell me that the admission process was starting and that we would hear shortly about your place. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. About 2 weeks after you died I emailed all the schools where I had put your name down to tell them that you had died and to avoid them contacting me in the future. This particular school actually had the most heartfelt…

My darling daughter Today is your 3rd birthday. I remember that day 3 years ago so so clearly. The day you entered our world and embedded yourself in my heart forever. Oh how we would have celebrated you if you were still here on earth. Presents, cakes, candles, parties, singing. I imagine how you would have looked, what your hair would have looked like, your sparkling blue eyes. What your relationship with your brother would have been like. Oh how I crave for all of that!! Today has been a tough day. I feel like I didn’t carve out enough…