Happy birthday precious Thomas

by Recover the gift

Ten years ago today, you were born. And ten years ago today, you died.

In marking today I took some time out to be present – to pause, and really be with you. To reflect on that day 10 years ago, certain parts of which are still so clear to me. Crystal clear. The day I met you my dear son.

You changed my world in a way that can never be undone or forgotten. You are forever my son, someone I carried for 26 weeks, someone who shaped me.

I celebrate you in the quiet ways now. In the way I notice life more closely. In the way I seek out real connection over surface interactions. In the way joy feels sweeter, more precious, and grief feels so real, something you can’t run away from. Through grief, I’ve learned to hold both deep sadness and true joy at the same time. Love does not need time to be real or deep – a mother’s love for her child is instantaneous and forever.

Today, I saw your and your sisters imprint very clearly in your brother.

Murray was sad today when he found out you would have been 10. And even in his sadness he took the time to ask me how I was. He held space for his own feelings while being attentive to mine, with a depth of emotional awareness that humbles me. His empathy, his gentleness, his ability to notice and care – they took my breath away. The lessons you and your sister continue to teach us every day!

I am grateful for these lessons, even all these years later. You taught me that holding pain doesn’t mean being broken. That sorrow and gratitude can exist in the same breath. That remembering is a form of love, and that my love for you didn’t end when your life did.

You are part of our family’s story. You are spoken of. You are remembered. You matter. Then, now and always.

Today is your birthday. Today is the day you died.
And today, I choose to honour you, to celebrate you, and to thank you for what you have given me.

I remember you precious Thomas. Always.

I love you

Our mom