My darling Belsie You are touching peoples lives. I posted my first letter to you on our blog and have had such an incredible outpouring from people. It was my inner most thoughts and feelings, written especially to and for you. And I thought very long and very hard before posting it as to bear your soul to all and sundry like that is really really scary. Especially when you are used to being strong and together and not particularly vulnerable. But the way it has been received by most people has been truly heartwarming. I have been so uplifted…
“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.” ― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
From Bella
Signs? – by Simone
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have been looking for signs from you…anything really… A few days ago, I was in our bedroom playing with Murray on the bed, and I suddenly heard this vibrating noise. I ignored it for a while, not being able to figure out what on earth it was. I couldn’t ignore it anymore and I went into the bathroom and somehow my electric toothbrush had turned itself on! Completely bizarre! And I am going to believe that that was a sign from you! Hi my baby girl, mommy hears you and loves…
Look what your mom did Belsie – by Simone
Look what I did baby girl – yes I know, as your Aunty Carol says “Wow, that is left field!!!”. Because it really is for me. But it just feels so right. I now have your name emblazoned on my wrist forever and always!!!! You are forever in my heart and on my mind, but I also wanted you physically on me always, as my constant declaration of being your mom. From the day we conceived you I became your mom forever, and even though you are not physically with us on this earth anymore, you will be with…
Name your grief and walk the road – by James
“When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.” John Irving – A prayer for Owen Meany It’s been six weeks since our…
My darling rose – by James
My darling rose I see you when I wake at night, a fitful sadness despair through my plight. I see you in the mirrors at home, we always played there now you roam. In my heart you always pure, you’ll touch me always and help me endure. A screaming pain that pulses through me, Oh Lord please hold my child in gentle lee. My ship is sailing a rudderless stave, your smiling face with grace it gave, my joy to have a little girl, your memory always a welcome burl. Isabella my sweet, my darling rose, I…
My 1000 foot wave arrived – by Simone
My angel child, I feel like my heart is shattering into 1000 pieces. I miss you tonight with a hurt I didn’t know was physically possible to endure. I keep on seeing that beautiful, happy, shining face of yours and then I remember that I will never get to kiss you or hold you again and the pain is too much. I feel like a million daggers are being stuck into my body and someone is trying to rip my heart out my chest. I long for you, my entire body aches for you. The waves are rolling in, over…
Waves – they are big today… – Simone
“I wish I could say you just get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole in me whenever someone I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter” I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. As for grief, it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage…
A letter to my little girl from your mom, a month after you left us – By Simone
My darling, precious baby girl, my Belsie You left us a month ago today and I miss you with a yearning I didn’t know was possible. It’s been 30 days, long days and nights, and yet for the most part I don’t think the reality of your leaving us has sunk in at all. Most of the time I feel like I am floating above the world, in a bubble, watching what is going on from a far. I actually went to acupuncture this week and she told me that there was still a lot of shock in my…
Love – by James
This verse was sent to me by my dear friend Tyron Richards, it has brought him comfort in his dark days. We all know it in some form or another but reading it again now re-emphasizes to me the importance of love. one love James 1 Corinthians 13 13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move…
A poem to my daughter 2 weeks after her passing – by James
My Belsie When dawn breaks every day I think of you in heaven at play, with god and our departed loved ones, sitting on mom’s lap with cuddles far from done. When I look up at the stars, my heart burns bright fiery white scarred, remembering your smiling face, never now gone without a trace. When slumber takes me every night I pray now with all my might, that your special mom will find the peace to create her life’s new lease. When boysie calls your name, I feel a strangling strain, He’s too young to understand why, Your daddy…
isabella1509 