Hello my darling daughter
So for 3 years I have been putting off doing your Photobooks as I just have not been able to bring myself to immerse myself in your photos, to sort through and choose the “best” ones of you to put in a book. Because every single photo that I do have of you is precious and tells a story, evokes a memory. I have tried a few times, and every time only gotten through a few photos before giving up, just finding it too difficult for me to do and requiring too much strength.
But last weekend I “bit the bullet” so to speak and sat down and spent many hours creating 2 precious photobooks of a collection of your photos. It was unbelievably hard to do, it really was. As I looked through the photos I was overwhelmed so often at how we were robbed of so much. Of how those beautiful shiny eyes of yours really sparkled, your little personality shining through. And of how often it all seems completely surreal, still. That you are gone still feels so so wrong, unreal, part of a parallel life I am living that I wish I wasn’t.
And today they have been delivered to me at the office and I am too scared to open them, too scared to see how they have turned out. Too scared to look because I know how much it is going to feel like my heart is breaking again. Like someone has stuck their hand into my chest and is trying to rip my heart out.
So for now, they sit next to me at my desk until I can build up the strength to pour over each and every picture and find comfort from them, rather than extreme pain.
With all my love my precious darling child.