My darling Belsie
You would have been 2 1/2 years old today my precious child. I got one of those cruel but amazing reminders from Facebook this morning of you at 6 months old. One of my favorite photos of you. That beautiful little face, with that toothless grin and shining blue eyes. It was a physical hit in the stomach, one that makes me reel. It also made me realize that it’s only 6 weeks until the 2nd anniversary of your death, and the dread and apprehension immediately set in. The 15 September has always seemed like a far way away, and now it’s suddenly around the corner, nearly on us, that goddamn awful day. I know the build up to these anniversaries is normally worse than the day itself, but it doesn’t stop the feelings starting to mount.
Most days I am okay, getting through each day, trying to appreciate the gift we have been given, and particularly drinking in each moment with Murray. And it’s funny, as time has gone by, some parts of you not being here have gotten easier, or at least I have come to terms with them. But some parts I find more difficult. Not knowing what you would have looked like now, trying to imagine how little toddler you would look. How that little personality would be developing, you were a little live wire that’s for sure! And mostly I miss and really deeply feel the loss of you in our home, in our family unit, and the lack of a sibling for Murray. He craves a sibling so so much!
I “borrowed” a precious little girl the other day , who in so many ways reminds me of you, who was also very close in age to you. She came on an outing with Murray and I and for a few hours I could pretend that life was as it should have been. My very close in age, pigeon pair, having a ball together, playing so very beautifully and just enjoying each other’s company. The experience was amazing, but also highlighted every little thing we are missing out on because of you not being here.
Oh my girl, I miss you with every fiber of my being. How I wish life was different.
With all my love
Your mom xx