My dearest little Thomas
It’s a month today since you entered this world, and then left it so tragically.
I have no profound thoughts, no words of wisdom. Just a deep, deep sadness and void that feels like it will never be filled.
I think of you all the time, pretty much every moment of the day. I play in my head how it would be if you had lived. How we would have managed your stay in NICU, what my days would have looked like. And I also play in my head the fact that if you were still safely inside my tummy, I would now be nearly 31 weeks pregnant, and starting to prepare for your arrival. I sometimes still think I feel you inside of me, and then I remember, and the gap left
is just so so big.
Your brother asked me about you for the first time yesterday. We drove past his friend’s house on the way to school and he asked about his friend’s little brother. He then asked me where Sissie was and then said “Mom, where is my brother?” I told him that you were with Sissie in heaven and then the repetitive “whys” ensued. I clearly wasn’t giving him a satisfactory answer to his questions. I don’t blame him, the answers don’t seem satisfactory to me either!
I miss and love you baby boy. I imagine you and your sister together looking down on us from heaven and just pray so much that you are together and happy.
Your mom xx