A mothers eulogy to her son – by Simone

Today we had a private farewell to our son, Thomas. It was so very hard but I am glad that we did it. Here are some of the words I spoke, straight from my heart.

 

My darling Thomas

 

As we gather today to honor and bless you darling child of ours, my heart can’t help but be shattered into a million pieces.

 

You were a true blessing sent to us from Belsie, straight from heaven. A little person we had so desperately wanted but had almost been too scared to hope for. But hope I had. From the moment I found out that I was pregnant with you my little boy, I have felt so close and connected to you. You have helped me heal my broken heart in so many ways over the last few months, helped me to have hope again, helped me to believe. You were extraordinary from the moment you were conceived.

 

You grew inside me and I treasured every kick, every move, every scan where we got a good look at you. And those last 2 weeks where you and I were in hospital together where I got to hear your heartbeat a few times a day, got to hear you fighting for all you were worth, I was fighting for you too, with every part of me. I never gave up believing that it would all be okay, that it would somehow work out. Because baby boy, you were extraordinary. I was Willing you to live, for it all to be okay, for life couldn’t possibly be that cruel, could it?

 

And as we were wheeled into theatre, I have never prayed so hard, ever, I have never wanted so much to be heard. And I am only sorry that I couldn’t do more, be more, to keep you safe. But I know that I can’t always understand the plans that God has for us.

 

As any parent does, we had dreams and plans for you. I was going to be the mom to 2 Blanckenberg boys, that’s quite some task if your dad and brother are anything to go by, and how I relished that opportunity. The relationship between a mom and her son is a very special one and I so looked forward to that with you. The building of that relationship started the moment you started growing inside me.

 

Your second name Martin, is the namesake of an extraordinary man, someone who had a deep influence on both your dad and my lives and he went to heaven just before you got there. I like to think that he went to a prepare heaven for your arrival.

 

You are with Belsie, your Sissie and she is looking after you. You are both looking down on us willing us not to be so heart sore, so sad and to know that you are both happy and taken care of.

 

I read this yesterday and I hope it’s the kind of message you would want me to receive. It’s called A Gift From Heaven.

I am with you always
I live in your heart
I speak to your soul
We are not far apart

When you feel a light breeze
Hear the songs the birds sing
Know that I see every smile
Your kindness can bring

I see you building your dreams
With wisdom and grace
And asking His guidance
With each challenge you face

I am more than a memory
You will feel,our love grow
I am forever your angel
Some things you just know

Please tell me your thoughts
Your hopes and your fears
And know that through faith
He will heal all your tears

For today I can share
That in Heaven above
God has taken my hand
I am Complete, I am love

 

Little Thomas, I miss you every moment of every day. I feel the emptiness in my tummy where I wish you still were, I feel your missing presence in my arms where I should be cuddling you, your beautiful perfect little face looking up at me. I will console myself with the moments I did have with you, drinking you in, taking in every part of you I could. The time will never seem enough but I am glad I got the little bit of time I did get with you.

 

Your mommy loves you now and always
Xx

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